Pride and Twitterverse

TheRealJaneAusten:
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of good fortune must be in want of a wife.

MrsB:
A Mr Bingley--worth 50,000 followers a year--has joined Twitter! He's brought a friend, Mr Darcy--worth 100,000 followers a year! Pls RT

MrsB:
@JaneB @LizzyB @MaryBsaphorisms @KittyB @LydiaB I will have one of you girls married into internet fame yet. Just you wait.

LizzyB:
@MrsB But mother, I think we can pull ourselves up by our dooce-straps just fine.

MrsB:
Blogcasting: How to find husbands for your daughters: http://tinyurl/momblog Now with free giveaway from our Etsy embroidery shop. Pls RT

LizzieB:
@JaneB If I could love a man who would love me enough to take me for a mere 50 followers, I should be well pleased...

LizzieB:
@JaneB ...but such a man wouldn’t be sensible & I could never love a man who was out of his twits. LOL

JaneB:
Oh @LizzyB, it is my ardent wish to marry 4 love. Love, respect AND dual laptops would be most agreeable. #iamdullbutpretty

CubicleSurfer:
Does anyone know what #Bingley is and why it’s suddenly the no. 1 trending topic?

BoredInTheBurbs:
@CubicleSurfer I think #Bingley’s a he and I’m pretty sure he just died.

POPlovesPOP:
@CubicleSurfer @BoredInTheBurbs No, I’m pretty sure #Bingley’s the new Idol. That doesn’t explain why he’s the no. 1 trending topic, tho.

MaryBsAphorisims:
It behooves us all to resist the temptation of #Idol chatter

MaryBsAphorisims:
I can’t believe I lost 5 followers with that last Tweet. What’s WRONG with you people?

LydiaB:
@JaneB @LizzyB @MaryBsaphorisms @KittyB There's going to be a dance!!! Squeeee!!! I won't sit down all night.

JaneB:
@LizzyB @MaryBsaphorisms @KittyB @LydiaB Do any of you know what you're wearing to the dance? I was thinking virginal white.

LydiaB:
@JaneB @LizzyB @MaryBsaphorisms @KittyB What I wouldn't give for this: http://tiny.cc/S6s7h & a pair of Jimmy Choos. It’s positively #Bella.

KittyB:
@LydiaB No fair! You stole that URL from MY del.icio.us. #sisterfail

LydiaB:
@KittyB del.icio.us? Are you kidding me? How positively 2007. #epicsisterfail

MaryBsAphorisms:
@JaneB @LizzyB @KittyB @LydiaB I confess a dance has few charms for me—I should infinitely prefer a modest Christian blog.

[Email from Twitter to LydiaB: VampireShoeShop is now following you on Twitter. You may follow VampireShoeShop by clicking the Follow button on their profile.]

Bingley:
@Darcy I can hardly wait to dance with @JaneB. She is the most capital girl I have ever met. #loveat1stsight

Darcy:
@Bingley Any savage can dance. #proofofmysuperiority

Bingley:
@Darcy JaneB's sister, Lizzy is pretty. You could dance with her. It would be capital fun.

Darcy:
@Bingley She's tolerable, but she is not handsome enough to tempt me. Also: could you stop saying "capital" so much? #abovemypeers

LizzyB:
@CharlotteL RT @D*rcy "She is tolerable. But she is not handsome enough to tempt me." #twitteratiRtwats #takeyrtweetsprivatefool

LizzyB:
@JaneB @MrsB I may safely promise you never to dance with Mr. D*rcy.

MaryBsAphorisms:
I loves me a stately piano concerto. ♫ http://blip.fm/~6kg1t from Blip.fm

LydiaB:
Oh, @MaryBsAphorisms, you silly goose. No one wants to hear that stodgy old song. We long to dance. Blip us Grimstock.

MaryBsaphorisms:
If I must but I take no joy in it: ♫ http://blip.fm/~6khd6 from Blip.fm

JaneB:
@Bingley Demure grin

Bingley:
@JaneB Capital! Capital indeed!

MrsB:
My @JaneB was much admired at the dance. #Bingley danced with her twice. Post to follow. Pls RT.

Darcy:
Women? There are not ½ dozen who I would consider accomplished. #fb

LizzyB:
@Darcy Like duh. I’m surprised YOU know 6. #urstillavirgin

Darcy:
@LizzyB FYI, it has been the study of my life to avoid those weaknesses which often expose a strong understanding to ridicule.

LizzyB:
@Darcy Like, oh I dunno, pride perhaps? Vanity? Self-righteous tweeting?

Darcy:
@LizzyB Pride—where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation.

LizzyB:
@Darcy Which one of your last 3 tweets would you like me to nominate for http://tweetingtoohard.com/ ? ‘Cause I think they’re all winners.

Darcy:
@LizzyB Clearly, there is in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil. Yes, I’m tweeting at you.

LizzyB:
@Darcy Yours is to hate everyone.

Darcy:
@LizzyB Where yours is to misunderstand them.

Darcy:
@Darcy Oooo. Having a little twit snit are we, Mr Darcy?

MaryBsAphorisms:
Pride is a very common failing. By all that I have ever read, I am convinced that it is very common indeed.

MaryBsAphorisms:
Ah but, vanity & pride are different things. Pride relates to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.

MaryBsAphorisms:
What’s with all the dead air out here 2night? Is twitter down again or something?

Mrs B:
Hubs is in his study AGAIN. He has no consideration for my nerves. It vexes me terribly.

LydiaB:
Support our troops! #followfriday @cnlfoster @mrsfoster @regiment @denny @sanderson @wickham Squeee!!!

LizzyB:
@LydiaB Stop twirting. You will get a reputation as the most determined twirt that twitter has ever seen.

Darcy:
I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow. #fb

Darcy:
[Find People on Twitter:
Who are you looking to find? LizzyB]

Darcy:
@biz Why must avatar pictures be so small? #twitterfail

CharlotteL:
@LizzyB Darcy keeps looking at your profile. What’s up with that?

LizzyB:
@CharlotteL I dunno but it’s freaking my shit out. Srsly.

[Email from Twitter to LizzyB: Wickham is now following you on Twitter. You may follow Wickham by clicking the Follow button on their profile.]

Wickham:
Oh woe is me!

Wickham:
How unlucky my lot in life has been!

Wickham:
I am so sick of my friends. If you can even call them that...

LizzyB:
@Wickham Ok, I’ll bite. What’s up?

Wickham:
@LizzyB If only I, honest son of an honest Linux programmer, had not been so grievously wronged by a certain proud, 2.0-savvy man.

LizzyB:
@Wickham RU talking about who I think UR talking about? Developed DRM for I-phone apps? Oprah & Ashton follow him? Follows only 5 tweeps?

Wickham:
@LizzyB The very same. He cheated me out of the open source living his father had promised me. Who could wrong one so noble as me? Oh noes!

LizzyB:
@Wickham Ugh. Further proof of why I hate the Twitterati. Except @theBloggess. She cracks my shit up AND she is a model of propriety.

Wickham:
@LizzyB You seem like a fair minded woman and I desperately need a twosse. Would you like to hear more of my grievances?

LizzyB:
@Wickham Bring ‘em on.

MaryBsAphorisms:
It behooves us all to take very careful thought before pronouncing an adverse judgment on any of our fellow men.

MaryBsAphorisms:
For once, your silence is golden. Thank you, tweeple.

MrCollins:
@MrsB @JaneB @LizzyB @MaryBsaphorisms @KittyB @LydiaB I have it on authority from Lady Oprah de Bourgh that marriage would behoove a man of m... (read more via Twitlonger)

MrsB:
@LizzyB @MaryBsaphorisms @KittyB @LydiaB One of u MUST marry yr cousin, MrCollins. The PC, both laptops & the wireless are entailed to him.

LizzyB, MaryBsaphorisms, KittyB, LydiaB:
@MrsB Ew. We’d rather live off-grid.

MrCollins:
@LizzyB Since accepting my friend request on Facebook, Lady Oprah de Bourgh has condescended to write on my wall as often as once a year in ... (read more via Twitlonger)

MrCollins:
@LizzyB My reasons for marrying are, 1st, that I think it a proper, nay logical, step in developing my ministwee, 2 that it would please my ... (read more via Twitlonger)

MrCollins:
@LizzyB Which brings me to my choice of you as the particular object of my heart’s desire. Your lowly station, situated as you are with 5 si ... (read more via Twitlonger)

LizzyB:
@MrCollins You flatter me greatly with this proposal, but allow me to say AS IF!

MrsB:
@LizzyB @MrCollins LIZZY! NO!!!!! However will I blog when your father is dead and in his grave?

[Friend or Follow: Enter your username: LizzieB
Lizzie B is following MrsB but MrsB no longer follows LizzyB]

MrsB:
Oh, I have such a headache. And no one in this house cares one bit for my suffering. Please let there be new comments on my last post.

[Email from Twitter to CharlotteL: MrCollins is now following you on Twitter. You may follow MrCollins by clicking the Follow button on their profile.]

MrCollins:
Lady Oprah de Bourgh has made it clear that I should make a prudent match as is most befitting a clergyman of my standing and circumstances ... (read more via Twitlonger)

CharlotteL:
@MrCollins I’m all ears. Let’s take it to email, for you are too great a man to be confined by 140 chars.

MrCollins:
@CharlotteL: Oh my dearest heart…

…

MrCollins:
I simply cannot wait to disclose to Lady Oprah de Bourgh knowledge of my recent matrimonial joy with Miss C Lucas who has graciously accepte ... (read more via Twitlonger)

LizzyB:
@CharlotteL: Engaged to Mr. Collins! My dear Charlotte—impossible!

CharlotteL:
@LizzyB I am not romantic. I never was. I ask only for a comfortable home.

CharlotteL:
@LizzyB you will tweet to me, won't you? I don't think I could bear going if you didn't tweet to me.

LizzyB:
@CharlotteL Of course. I’ll even visit you on Facebook but promise me I won’t have to read Mr Collins’ blog.

Darcy:
@Bingley: I think it’s time we both quit Twitter for a while and went back to blogging. These tweeple are beneath us.

Bingley:
@Darcy But, but... Oh if you insist. You are the most capital fellow I have ever met, after all. #Iamapatsy

Wickham:
I just joined a twibe: LittleLadyLovers

JaneB:
@LizzyB Bingley has left Twitter. I must summon the fortitude to overcome this.

LizzyB:
@JaneB I'm sure he loves you still. Why don’t you get a blogger account so you can keep in touch? Our aunt & uncle will let you guest post.

JaneB:
You may be right, @Lizzy. I will comment as demurely as I am able to.

Darcy:
DM to @LizzyB
In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire & love you.

[series of DMs between LizzyB and Darcy]

LizzyB:
WTF?

LizzyB:
Can you deny that you made Bingley quit Twitter thus destroying my sister’s chance for happiness?

Darcy:
I cannot. I even deleted all her comments on his blog so he wouldn’t know she was reading. Marry me anyway?

LizzyB:
And don’t even get me started on your offenses to poor Wickham.

Darcy:
Wickham? Oh yes, poor downtrodden Wickham. #eyeroll

LizzyB:
Gah! You are so haughty!

Darcy:
And you are such a hotty.

LizzyB:
Ugh. You are the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed upon to marry. kaithksbye

[Msg to LizzyB from Twitter: Are you sure you want to block Darcy? BLOCK]

EMAIL FROM DARCY TO LIZZYB:
You have blocked me on Twitter which leaves me no other recourse than to email you an honest account of my dealings with Mr Wickham. In short, he is a pedi-perv who tried to bone my sister when she was but 15. He had hoped to marry her for her fortune, but I stopped him. So there.

[Msg fwd to JaneB from LizzyB]

LizzyB:
@JaneB Oh shit. Have I ever made a mistake. Darcy = good. Wickham = bad.

JaneB:
@Lizzy: Whaaa? Wickham’s a pedi-perv? Let’s not tell anyone, ‘kay?

LizzyB:
@JaneB: Pinky promise.

JaneB:
@LizzyB: Pinky promise.

LydiaB:
Mrs Foster has invited me to Brighton to flirt with the Red Coats. SQUEEEEE!!!!

LydiaB:
@Wickham I do hope I will c u there. DM me to let me know if you can cum.

LizzyB:
Am taking a social networking webinar paid for by my Aunt & Uncle. Hope to learn lots.

LizzyB:
@JaneB Get this! We have to review Darcy’s blog. He has the most beautiful template I’ve ever seen.

LizzyB:
@JaneB Holy crap! He just tracked my IP through site meter. AM MORTIFIED!!!

LizzyB:
@JaneB But for some strange reason, he friended me on FB instead of getting mad. Colour me confused.

LizzyB:
@JaneB And now both he AND his sister have left kind messages on my wall. He even liked my status. I am all wonder.

JaneB:
DM to @LizzyB
Lydia has eloped with Wickham. She is ruined. Log off the computer and come downstairs at once.

LizzyB:
[Unblock Darcy]
DM to @Darcy
My sister's run off with Wickham. She has 20 followers. He has no reason to marry her. We are ruined & it's all my fault for not outing him.

Darcy:
I will be offline for the foreseeable future. #fb

LizzyB:
@JaneB We ARE ruined. @Darcy has made it clear that he’d rather give up the Internet than share it with me. #sigh

MaryBsAphorisms:
Loss of virtue in a female is irretrievable. A woman's reputation is no less brittle than it is beautiful.

[Email from Twitter to MaryBsAphorisms: Sexxygrl232 is now following you on Twitter. You may follow Sexxygrl232 by clicking the Follow button on their profile.]

MaryBsAphorisms:
I just scored another follower. Yesss!!

LydiaB:
@MrsB You will laugh mother, when you know what I have done. I have married...Wickham!

Mrs B:
@LydiaB Married? You are indeed married? Oh my dear girl. Post to follow. Pls RT

LydiaB:
@LizzyB The wedding was small but lovely. If only Darcy hadn’t been there.

LizzyB:
@LydiaB Whaaaaaa?

LydiaB:
@LizzieB Oh crap. I wasn’t supposed to tell.

Darcy:
I’m back. Did anybody miss me? #fb

Bingley:
So happy to be back! Twitter is the most capital place I’ve ever known! Thanks for giving me the go-ahead to come back, @Darcy.

Bingley:
@JaneB Waves

JaneB:
@Bingley Demure grin

Bingley:
@JaneB Marry me?

JaneB:
@Bingley In a heartbeat. Most demure grin EVER.

Lady Oprah de Bourgh:
@LizzyB I heard a twumer that you plan to marry @Darcy. He is too popular a Tweep for you. You’ll bring us all down. I FORBID it.

LizzieB:
@Oprah Helloooo! Since when are tweeps celebrity sheep? ... Fine. Point taken, but screw you anyway. #herebeforeoprah

Darcy:
@LizzyB You got guts girl, pissing off @Oprah like that. I admire your spunk.

LizzieB:
@Darcy I must thank you for your kindness to my poor sister. Buying out that open source asshat of a husband must have cost you a fortune.

Darcy:
@LizzieB: I did it all for you. Please tell me you no longer think I’m a twit.

LizzieB:
@Darcy: Oh never a twit. I once thought you were a twat but all is forgotten.

Darcy:
@LizzyB My feelings and intentions have not changed. One tweet from you will silence me forever.

LizzieB:
@Darcy I heart you. Truly.

Darcy:
@LizzieB YAY! I’ll tweet your father to ask for your hand.

LizzieB:
@Darcy: Oh you’ll never find him on twitter. Being married to a social-networking mommy blogger keeps his nose in the books.

Darcy:
@LizzyB: Fine. I’ll take this off line. Care to join me?

LizzieB:
I am yours: virtually AND corporally.

TheRealJaneAusten:
'Night Tweeps.

___________________________________________________
Thanks to:
Jane Austen and Andrew Davies (screenwriter for the 1995 BBC miniseries)
@cribchronicles @maryLUE and @threeandholding: my consultants on all things twitty
Painted Maypole for laying down the challenge in the Monday Mission (2 days late, sorry)